that they know jesus

04daughters

03daughters

i spend a lot of time thinking about mothering & assessing how i think it’s all going. not unlike most every other mother on the planet right? with four completely different temperaments & personalities in my four teenage/young adult daughters you can imagine this stage of parenting has been the most exciting, painful, complicated, and rewarding of all other stages. to me anyways.

my nursing degree might have served me better had i minored in psychology. but learning it all on fly has been the way parenting daughters has rolled out for me.

for the one that needs her space, have i given her too much & therefore she doesn’t feel seen or valued? for the tender teary one, have i validated her emotions or enabled an unhealthy behavior? for the quiet one, is she learning to just constantly take one for the team and stuff down deep and repress her emotions? does the snarky comment come from a heart full of bitterness towards me or is she just in a bad mood and mom is a safe target?

i think the biggest change in my own self i’ve seen while raising up girls is that i’ve become more of an observer and listener than the talking extrovert i was back in the day. while i’m naturally a reactive person, as my girls have grown up i have tried to loosen that a little bit at a time. i find myself pondering their words much of the time & choosing to say little or nothing at all when perhaps they were younger a comment or correction would have been appropriate. so i’m not quiet all the time but many times i find myself just listening and truth be told, they probably don’t even realize it.

here’s an example, when they were 7 or 15 and they’d make a snarky comment i’d call them out. once they hit that college age my corrective, train ‘em stage needs to simmer way down. here’s another example. dan & i decided that when they hit their senior year that we would raise the curfew. ( & honestly i have a ridiculous memory so i can’t remember it anyway) when our girls head off to college there is a whole big world out there that stays up late and loads of other shenanigans as well. the girls need time to start making their own decisions while still under our roof and perhaps learning the consequences when those decisions aren’t so wise.  on the flip side, showing them we trust them is monumental at this age. i don’t need to read every text or diary entry, over analyze facebook activity, or drive around at night and see where they are. truth be told, dan & i are sacked out before my older girls even roll in at night.  i’m sure you younger moms are like what the sam hill is she even thinking? now hear me on this one, i’m not saying i close the book & check out of my parenting role before the college application is even sent. i’m just saying there’s a healthy time, often times its sorta grayish, when parenting needs to soften and become more stepping back and cheering from the sideline than walking in front of them and hoping they follow behind. make sense? maybe i’ll touch that one another day.

i recently told a young mama friend of mine, who incidentally is probably a much wiser mom than i despite her younger age, something huge i’ve gleaned over the last year or so of pondering mothering.

i am not jesus to my children.

i am to lead them to jesus. but i am not jesus.

i am to love out of a heart that desperately fails and will never get it all right all the time. i am to model a home and heart that is humble and messy and in need of a savior. i am not the savior. dan is not jesus ( a close second though). he is not the savior either. follow?

i think as our children hit the late teen years & perhaps young adult stage they realize mom & dad aren’t so perfect. while they never would have verbalized at age sixteen, wow my folks are the bombdigity and have it all together, something about realizing that mom & dad are just human and fail and mess up is almost license to be disappointed in them. just as we try to teach our girls to know that there is not a man out there that will “complete them” ( not a healthy/realistic role for anyone to need to fill but that is a sermon for another day) mom and dad aren’t either.

i have made more mistakes as a mama than i can even keep up with. i have yelled and said cuss words. i’ve forgotten an event and made soupy casseroles. i’m not slender & my car is not a luxury vehicle. i’ve said stupid things in front of their peers and apparently asked awkward questions “all the time” that i didn’t even know i was doing. i’m sure i’ve embarrassed them with how i dress or that i have too many cowboy boots. i’ve spent too much money or not spent enough. i’ve said too much or not said enough. i’ve not shown grace and i’ve demanded obedience. i’ve wanted order when they wanted messy. and then there’s “their reality” of a situation that is really not reality at all but in their mind it is. ya’ll. the list is endless. and of course it is.

i think i’ve felt the disappointment from them at times ( the times when i’m quiet & pondering instead of having to be the talker & corrector) when they realize we’re not perfect people. or that i’m not the perfect mom to them.

i hope as they head out on their own, despite all the times i’ve said and done the wrong thing, that they know that they know that they know, well…that they know JESUS. he is who “completes” them. he is the only perfect one. he is the restorer of the lost years. he sees & knows every hair on their head. he knows the hidden places of their hearts where things are tucked away and stored. he shows them how to love well, perfectly well. he shows endless forgiveness and unmerited grace. he longs to fill the broken cracks in the spaces of their hearts that were perhaps cracked by an imperfect mom or dad.

and that we’re just doing the very very best we can

and that they are loved & celebrated

and maybe one day, they’ll see that it’s been that way all along.06daughters05daughters02daughters01daughters

 

 

January 26, 2015 - 10:19 am

courtney defeo - FAVORITE one ever i think. this is EXACTLY what i saw when i was there. caroline mentioned something sad and i POUNCED on it – trying to fix it, learn more, talk, talk, talk and i was truly amazed watching you listen. not overreact. keep your cool. what a great environment you have in your home. no one is perfect but you those girls are happy, they do love Jesus and live in a way that shines. they love their mother. i see it. safe, lovely home that invites communication – snarky or not. xoxo keep on awesome momma.

January 26, 2015 - 10:19 am

dana - oh Paige…Amen sister! I think as moms we spend the first decade or so just “full on” parenting…loving, feeding, clothing, training, protecting. But then one day we wake up with a teenager and all of a sudden our world changes. The relationship begins to shift. If happens so quickly. Like you, I had 4 teenagers at one time…and i’m pretty sure i failed miserably. I wish i had learned sooner to “put down the dishrag and back away slowly” so to speak. Thankfully there is grace…and my children have shown me plenty of it. Hopefully, lots of young moms will read your wise words and learn to lead them to Jesus and not try to be their Jesus! Thank you for being honest and sharing so much wisdom!

January 26, 2015 - 10:51 am

Deidre - My favorite post EVER of yours. Truly. What a relief that we ALL mess up and have a Savior that more than fills in the gaps. I’m always so thankful for your honesty. My oldest daughter is 13 so I’m learning so much from your words. Thank you.

January 26, 2015 - 11:25 am

peggy - Paige, my dear, you hit this one on the head! Being a mom to 3 teenage boys has been quite the challenge because well, boys don’t talk…. not typically. Yes as a girl and a momma it has been a challenge to understand the male mind, that when asked what they are thinking and they say nothing they truly mean nothing. Quiet is just quiet… they can sit in a room, not say a word and honestly not be thinking a single thing, almost like a comatose state of being. It boggled my mind for far longer than I care to admit. I know there have been times I failed them miserably but I am so thankful the grace they have offered up. Daily I think the Lord for HIS grace in my failings, in their failings, in our failings! We may not always agree but they know that I LOVE them fiercely and always will. Thank you for sharing your heart! I thank God daily for your wisdom and your kind, loving, gracious heart! Not only for you friendship but for how you truly love the Lord and let HIM shine in all you do and say! Thank you for being a role model and letting God use you!

January 26, 2015 - 11:43 am

Lindsey - Just printed this out out. Love it, Paige! So much honesty. So much raw. So much Jesus! That they know Jesus..AMEN AMEN AMEN!! I can see God’s grace all over this post as you have grown and learned throughout the parenting journey. What a gift.

January 26, 2015 - 11:59 am

Mimi - Yes! Thank goodness for Jesus because we’re so fallible but try so hard. Over the years of reading your blog and watching your beautiful young women grow, I think you’ve done an amazing job — a human loving messy beautiful job. They will know and value and understand one day.
Like you, I also began giving my children baby steps into the big world as their age progressed. I think its the only way to help them bridge over with confidence, discernment, and wisdom not to go crazy. As we loosened the rules, they felt more grown up. The roots of faith and Jesus run deep and trust they are embedded into the very fabric of their lives.

January 26, 2015 - 12:14 pm

Karen - Loved this. Hey I do have that psychology degree and it didn’t always help. Haha. But your words are so true. Being a little further along than you they do come back and reaffirm how they were raised and are thankful. But that they know Jesus! So true. And even now as adults they need our ears. Letting them have space as they earn it in high school is so important. My girls went some distance to college and so we wanted to see how they would handle some responsibility while we were still close to pick up the pieces if we needed to. Whew. Parenting is not for the faint of heart. Not these days.

January 26, 2015 - 1:25 pm

Kimberly Falls - Thanks so much for this post and reminder that I am not Jesus to my kids, but I can point them to Jesus…..and when I fail(which is often) there is grace for me.

January 26, 2015 - 1:37 pm

chrissi - so well said. i am just learning that i am not Jesus to anyone. my friends who seek something i can not give. my family. anyone.
He is enough. i can just watch from the cheap seats.♥

January 26, 2015 - 2:38 pm

Cindy Smith - crying right now! I have two daughters – 13 and 16 years old and you echoed so many of my sentiments in this post. They are so different from each other and yet so alike. They are so different from me and yet so alike…

I too have learned to say less, listen more and love fully. Praise the Lord for grace and mercy in parenting. I know that He redeems our mistakes and validates our efforts.

Thank you for sharing your heart and these beautiful girls…

January 26, 2015 - 5:19 pm

Bridgot - Perfectly said. Thank you.

January 26, 2015 - 6:27 pm

ellie - love this! I need to listen more. I’ve been trying to do better but this is great encouragement to keep on keeping on! my kids are so aware I am not Jesus – I make so many mistakes and have to apologize almost daily ;( my 18 & 16 year olds are not perfect but lovely teens and I am told so often by friends they hope their kids are as good when they hit the teen years. I always say that I could not be further from the perfect mom however love truly does cover a multitude of sins!!

thanks so much for sharing your parenting wisdom!

January 26, 2015 - 8:43 pm

Kerri - Yes! Yes! Yes! I love how candid you are, speaking from the heart! My favorite post EVER! I have always cherished your mothering posts! Although we are about the same age, I didn’t have Ava and Caroline until I was 34 and 36 so I am in a different season and I always learn so much from you! Seriously! We are all made in the likeness of the Lord! Today I had a parent teacher conference with a student and his parents. And do you know what it was about? Them learning a life lesson! They are awesome parents (in my opinion) but are both Type A personalities learning to cope with a 12 year old Type C personality! The Lord says “Let the children come to me” and it is up to us as parents to do just that! XOXO

catching up

good morning friends. i realized this morning that for some reason i took an unplanned week away from blogging. not like that’s any sorta big deal but i felt the need to state the obvious. to me anyways.

i’ve started a  short series on what’s worked for me in my little world of organization. well all that talk spurred me on to clearing out some spaces ’round here & tackling a few painting projects that have spent too much time looming in my mental to-do list. i still have a few things to chat with you guys on that subject so stay tuned. for now if you’d like to review~

  1. the transformation of a clutter chameleon 
  2. how i unified a plethora of photos in our home
  3. junk mail you are not the boss of me

so i mentioned i’ve taken on a few projects around the house. january is such a great month for that, don’t you think? so first up, i painted caroline’s room a charcoal grey ( or do you say gray?) and one large wall now is chalkboard. her space is uber cool now & very her. since the budget for this was zilcho basically besides the cost of paint/supplies and new desk we’ve kept things reasonable. as soon as i prime the chalkboard & get a few things situated i’ll share some pictures with you. i used the left over ( not so cheap) chalkboard paint & painted our downstairs tiny bath. every room except for that little space is creamy white. i have no earthly idea why i left it seaglass blue but i did and it needed to step up its game. so now it too is mighty cool in it’s chalkboard glory. hopefully this weekend i’ll tackle the girls bath upstairs & use the remainder of the charcoal grey and give it its’ own little facelift.

i did a major declutter, organize, throwout & give away with what i used to referred to as my art station north. ( essentially a table upstairs i used for storage of all things art supplies, most of which was during my brief stage as a scrapbooker. gone are those days). art station south is the large worktable in my garage for messier projects such as painting or potting the occasional plant. anyways. cleaned that baby out which took an entire day. i kept thinking to myself that i’d share the process with you guys but it wasn’t pretty. bottom line, the back of the suburban was loaded up & the lady at goodwill is probably not a fan of me & all my craft supplies. but so be it.

my saint of a husband has requested a garage sale. shoot me now. i love that boy but am not a fan of all the saving-of-stuff, in a new place, known as my garage ( insert frowning painful emoji face) until the big day. once i decide to let it go, i’m ready to let it go. but. early spring we’ll do the garage sale thing & i’m praying we make more than $34.65 because who wants to be married to someone that says “i told you so”? we’ll either make bank and he can say that to me. not that he ever would. or. well. let’s hope we make some cash.

i’ve been clearing out some book shelf space ( we have a large one in our bed room & a large one in our bonus room area as well). we love books around here but can’t keep every single one of those either. unless of course we remodel our garage into a library. where’s joanna & chip when you need them? okay let me pause here. joanna & chip are the cutest & coolest couple ever. i love how they relate to each other. notice, despite his silliness, she never acts like he’s a goob. she laughs at his jokes & clearly respects him. it’s obvious he adores her. they play up each others strengths for sure. marriage 101 success! and while we’re on it, my crush on jo-jo is intense. her style? my goodness. love everything. girlfriend looks fabulous in her freepeople slips paired with jeans and the jewelry…love. in my dream life i live in texas ( have dreamed that one since i was 11) on a neighboring ranch (duh) and we’re friends and i’m skinny therefore we share clothes. the end. ( oh. and if anyone knows the story on the bracelet shown below, do tell)

chip_and_joanna_gaines

so last week was the 3rd annual noonday conference. i needed to pass on the travel & such this year so i stayed behind. know how when you’re not able to be somewhere with your buddies and it seems like every picture is a painful reminder of your buddies without you & the 3 day event actually was like a 6 day getaway for many of them and you almost cry because you aren’t there but the pictures keep rolling in ……? no?

we roll out our noonday collection spring line later in february!! i’ll need to sell a few of my samples to make room for some new pieces so stay tuned for that. i’ll try to give you guys a 24-hour heads up as they tend to go fast. don’t forget about the #styleforjustice release. i’ve seen many orders roll in for the fun vibrant tote bag ( which might just be showing up at a big event soon? maybe?) one thing i’ll encourage ya’ll to do…as far as current pieces, many stay but many go as well. if there’s something you’ve had your eye on you might wanna grab it. pieces don’t always go on sale before they’re sold out or no longer available.

04 paige knudsen.noondaycollection.com

if you’re interested in hosting a party, i pinkie promise it’s not an overwhelming gig, shoot me an email & we can chat a little about what’s involved. while i’d love to help encourage you in making your show a success , it’s really just a sweet time to round up some friends, serve some chips & salsa and maybe a glass of wine and i’ll do the rest. i absolutely love sharing about the artisans who are now living different lives because of sustainable income. we can get some dates on the calendar because you’re going to love the spring release!! ( february 17th!)

artisaninviteare you guys watching the Becoming~ The Unfolding of You series? this free course has blown me away! i can’t remember anything like this…its just so special you guys, so special! the story videos,while they’re each so different, all point to the cross and how jesus has met them right where they are. they each have shared from such places of vulnerability. gosh. they’re so sweet & so real. you’ll be blessed i promise!

weekoneprompts

my precious friend sophie hudson, aka BooMama, has written another charming & hilarious book, Home Is Where My People Are! sophie loves her people well! sister has taught me much about loving the simple every day & loving that comes from a grateful “for your people” heart!

sophies book

 

 

& lastly a little corner in our home that feels all fresh & wintery to me. the hello beauty full sign is by the crazy talented tiffini. do you follow her on insta? her feed is like a daily devotional that will bring you sweet words of encouragement! IMG_0002

okay my friends, go forth & love your people well! i’ll be back soon!

January 22, 2015 - 10:33 am

Amy McK - Ok, I’m truly not trying to be all witchy here, but pleaseeeee hurry up and show the room. Can’t wait to see them as I am toying with painting my powder room chalky.

xooxox

January 22, 2015 - 10:52 am

amanda - I was thinking the other night as I watched Fixer Upper that a young engaged couple should watch that show for marriage advice. Joanna is a beautiful (I’m talking inside here…outside goes without saying) wife. I noticed just what you said….she honors him SO well. Women can be so caustic with their words and often are the worst with their husbands. I cringe to think how I reacted to and spoke to mine in our early years.

January 22, 2015 - 10:53 am

Cathy G - Can’t wait for the reveals!!! And I’d be on the farm next to yours in Texas!!!! I LOVE fixer upper!!! Are they not darling???? Oh and the huge clock she has in her home !!!! Have you seen it??? I love her style and she seems soooo cool! Just like you!!!! Have a great day!!!!

January 22, 2015 - 11:02 am

Stacey - Hi Paige! Not trying to encourage you to spend but did you know you can get some of JoAnna’s jewelry on their website?

You already have the coolest jewelry around but here’s the link for you.

http://shop.magnoliahomes.net/collections/jewelry

I live about 100 miles from Waco and plan to make the little day trip to Magnolia here pretty soon. :)

Can not wait to see what you are doing in that bedroom and bathroom.

January 22, 2015 - 11:39 am

Emily - I LOVE your Salt and Pepper bowls! May I ask where you got them from?

Love your blog by the way!!!

January 22, 2015 - 11:44 am

sue - Just wanted to say I ordered and received the Vibrant Tote in the mail a few days ago and absolutely LOVE it! Great size, using it as my cute new gym bag :)

January 22, 2015 - 1:06 pm

ellie - just have to declare I am also big time crushing on Chip & Joanna! I watched last weeks episode 3 times just because they are so stinkin’ cute. – agree she is so respectful of him even when he eats cockroaches (EW!!) loved her line about not kissing him for like a month after that ;)

ditto my love for the “becoming” series. so.awesome.

xo ellie

January 22, 2015 - 1:21 pm

Victoria - OK, I recently found out about Facebook yardses and it is lifechanging!!! I’m sure you have one, ours is by zip code. Search “12345 yardsale” Anyway, you take a pic of your item. Post it with your price and any details and people buy it in seconds! The best part is they come pick it up at your house. (I just leave it on my porch and they leave the cash under the mat!) Couldn’t be easier.

January 22, 2015 - 4:41 pm

Tricia - I am really enjoying your organizing series and I too LOVE LOVE LOVE Fixer Upper….I have also given up scrapbooking. Have totes and totes of it. I “get” how you display a new photo of your girls in the few frames you have but what about all the other photos you take? Vacations, etc.? Do you just leave them on your computer or do you put in albums? I tried doing Project Life, too, but maybe I should just quit developing pictures….Help! You are my organizing idol!

January 22, 2015 - 5:28 pm

Jill - I am the queen of garage sales (I make some bank…..) and my tip/trick is I don’t price anything. The M.O. seems to be people coming early to get the good stuff who own booths at antique malls, etc. They snatch up a pile in a matter of minutes and ask you how much you want for all of it. Then they back up their pick up or trailer and haul it away. Just a thought….. xo

January 22, 2015 - 10:03 pm

Andrea - Love Fixer Upper. I love the fact that Joanna is Asian (my youngest two children are Asian) and it’s good for them to see something other the same old white faces and I like that they do houses in all price ranges. What is Chip’s really name?

January 22, 2015 - 10:36 pm

Suzanne - Love love that Chip
and Jo Jo, too! (Maybe
partly ‘cuz Chip is my
hubby’s name….)

And, I love your heart
for Noonday. Will check
back for the goodies….!

xo Suzanne

January 23, 2015 - 2:17 pm

Betty in NC - It is sooo funny you mentioned the dreaded garage sale. My husband and I are going through and “down sizing” i.e. getting rid of stuff….HE wants to have a garage sale but I just want it GONE. I too am going to store all that stuff until spring hoping to make more than $34.65! I’m working hard to simplify my life but wow is it hard. Thanks for the great tips! I always love reading your ideas.

January 24, 2015 - 8:13 am

tara - we clearly love joanna and chip, too. :)
they are the real deal.