i’ll just be honest

75paige knudsen

this morning i headed out to run an errand, in my jammies mind you, and as i love to do in the car, i talked to God a little bit. i asked him….do you think i’m too much? do i embellish situations that are minor and jack ’em up until they’re major? or do i have trouble just calling a trial as an actual trial? either way i sometimes try to shake off biggies and i’m guilty as well of over thinking and rehashing out things i need to let go.

i struggle naming a trial an actual trial because sometimes, to me anyways, admitting i’m facing a giant seems just as big as the giant himself. when i’d much rather be all hey, it’s cool, no biggie, we’re all good. and who wants to be around somebody who always has a thing going on anyways? throw in a shot of “well it could be so much worse” and then all manner of heart-conflict arises. i want to be genuine & real…and i wanna be a happy joyful, mostly sunny & 70 degrees girl too.

i’m not an avoider. i’m not a let’s-all-quote-some-postive-thoughts & live a disconnected to reality kinda girl. i err on the realist side maybe a little too much. but i can honestly tell you the last several months, heck maybe even the last year & a half have been a challenge. a trial. a walk through the desert. a refining period.

there. i said it.

YES we have had so much good. and YES i am thankful every day to wake up underneath a down comforter in a home with an air-conditioner and more food than i need, beside a big healthy guy.

but good & tough and sweet & hard and pain & joy are always just dancing on the dance floor together it seems. one just sorta waiting for their turn while the other gets a little face time.

and then this morning i heard these words. i read them out loud over & over & over~~

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials,

so that the tested genuineness of your faith

—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—

may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

1 peter 1. 6&7

i love how it reads in the message as well~

I know how great this makes you feel, even though you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime.

Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine.

When Jesus wraps this all up, it’s your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.

1 peter 1. 6&7

evidence of HIS victory. my faith is to be evidence of HIS victory. not my ability to shake it off. not my ability to be all no-i’m fine-really i’m fine. not my oh-my-gosh-can-it-get-any-worse victim mentality either. my faith.genuine faith that comes through the fire proved genuine…may it be evidence of his victory.

may my heart always reveal jesus.


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April 13, 2015 - 11:55 am

Kim Falls - Thanks so much for sharing this…it is exactly where I’ve been this last year!

April 13, 2015 - 12:01 pm

Cheryl - Thank you, Paige. I needed this deep breath moment.

April 13, 2015 - 12:04 pm

dana - whoa! i’m right there with you! and who can’t use a little perspective adjustment!?

April 13, 2015 - 12:06 pm

Maureen Wildauer - it feels as though you know my heart, my life, my circumstances in every way. Thank you for pointing me to 1Peter 6:7. The Bible IS truly the living word of God. I wish we were neighbors. I know we would be good friends. Thank you for sharing your heart.

April 13, 2015 - 12:13 pm

Peggy - Paige,
Thank you! This is the first blog post I’ve read in a few weeks. Seriously we were so busy with other stuff that I just did not have the time but when the dust started to settle and my mind started settling this is what the Lord had for me to read. It got me right where I’ve been and to an extent (more than i care to admit) where I am currently. I LOVE how the Lord does that… how He meets us where we are and gives us the words we need when we need them. Words to soothe a weary soul. Words to lift us. words to encourage us to press on.

April 13, 2015 - 12:53 pm

» i’ll just be honest - […] i’ll just be honest […]

April 13, 2015 - 1:35 pm

tiffany day - I am going to email you – because – yes, yes and yes!

that ok?


April 13, 2015 - 2:20 pm

chrissi - just how i have been feeling lately. grateful but tired. overwhelmed but still grateful. worrying. trying. but wondering.
just the verse i needed today. thank you♥

April 13, 2015 - 3:53 pm

ellie - YES!!

April 13, 2015 - 5:01 pm

Linsey@Bravehearted Beauty - I think you’ve read my heart enough over the last few years to know I am right there with you. I get it. And while I wish we could be sunny and 70 every day, this learning to hold opposing emotions (both on the dance floor at the same time) is what makes life REAL. This is the wholehearted living.

April 13, 2015 - 5:04 pm

Linsey@Bravehearted Beauty - Typing on my phone and got cut off. 😉 I want to stand with you and declare that this is good. That we are being made more whole…more in His image. I love you and your honest heart. Thank you for sharing it. Xo

April 13, 2015 - 6:53 pm

Pam - Thank you Paige, for always being so honest. I am a glass half empty kinda girl. Although I hate to admit it, I am either over-thinking slash over-worrying, or I put on the “I got this!” attitude. When in reality I am falling apart.

We too have walked through some rough years (some have had some silver linings) but ya’ know what? We are still here, and I guess that’s grace enough. Copying down those scripture passages. Thank you!

April 13, 2015 - 8:52 pm

Destiny - Thank you!

April 13, 2015 - 10:43 pm

Kellie - Oh how I relate to this. The past year and a half, starting with losing my dad, has been the hardest of my life. It’s like one thing after another after another and serious things…life changing/altering things. But like you say there have been so many good things too and then I feel guilty about being so ‘half glass empty’. My daughter’s basketball coach commented on a request for prayer on Fb today (I had to take the hubs to the ER last night which after they heard my 16 year old cough suggested I take her to the children side because it wasn’t crowded) and said ‘you cannot get over this mountain!’ and I thought that is so true. Every time I get near the top I get knocked back down, but I’m not laying flat at the bottom yet! 😉

April 13, 2015 - 11:00 pm

Lynda - beautifully written, thanks for sharing your heart!

April 14, 2015 - 9:56 am

Amanda - I could not relate more. Honestly….everyone can. Thank you so much for sharing! You are precious.

April 14, 2015 - 11:16 am

Donna - Thank you for writing this. I needed it.

April 15, 2015 - 8:57 am

Ginger - Amen! Amen! Amen! This is what I needed to read this morning. Thank you for sharing The Word.

April 28, 2015 - 9:04 pm

tara - “but good & tough and sweet & hard and pain & joy are always just dancing on the dance floor together it seems.”

so true. They seem to dance together…the good and the bad, the hard and the joy.

You come to my mind more than you’d think..and I always pray for you and Dan and the girls….special people. 🙂