15 & having courage

“We do not have to become heroes overnight.

Just a step at a time, meeting each thing that comes up,

seeing it as not as dreadful as it appears,

discovering that we have the strength to stare it down.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

images i lovec

i began blogging 10 years ago… little bit was 5. well the baby girl of the family turned 15 this past weekend! 15!!! and for those of you who have followed along since the beginning, maybe i’m not the only one who still sees that sweet little face above?

dan & i drove home from dinner the other night while she was hanging out at a track meet with friends. i told him how for the first time having just “one” around for much of the time is so different. our three older daughters were so close in age & now with the youngest of that crew away at college, little bit is often times the “one” with us. i’m thinking there was a sense of togetherness with all of them when we’d head out to dinner, or run out for dessert, or visit a new church. a little sorority if you will. their high school years over lapped, their time in the youth group overlapped & sometimes their friends overlapped. with emily being 4.5 years older than caroline, the gap is felt sometimes. while there’s perks to being the youngest, i think there’s some potentially tough times as well.

let me tell ya’ll, caroline is a dream kid. she has never, i mean never, woke up on the wrong side of the bed. she has never been grumpy or disrespectful to dan or i. she’s never gotten in trouble at school, although she can tell you about the one spanking she got at home. she’s laid back & kind. she’s tender hearted & helpful. she’s zilcho drama. she doesn’t sass or talk back and honestly never complains. she usually keeps her room tidy &  even cleans the bathroom without being asked. having said all that, i’ve encouraged her to share what’s she thinking. that she doesn’t always have to be the easy going one nor does she need to take one for the team. i’ve encouraged her to be brave & speak up, not to stuff her feelings. but she’s hardwired to be easy going …i’ll just keep cheering her on!

she was a talented dancer & tumbler and has now segued into playing a sport.  she made the high school volleyball team last year & has spent considerable time training & prepping to try out again in a few weeks.  she’s got great style & even though sometimes she catches some grief from her peers, i think she’s ahead of her time in the hipster/cool factor. she’s also the resident hair & makeup girl in the house & we all love when she “works” on us. she loves Friends & has great taste in music as well.

& she loves jesus. that’s the best part of all. she loves jesus & that brings me such much joy!!

she chose a giving keys necklace as one of her birthday gifts this weekend. the hand stamped word she chose? “Courage”. while it’s not my story to tell, the backstory made me a little teary and a lot proud. she told me later that day about a situation that was the catalyst for the courage key decision & it honestly left me speechless. i don’t think i’ll ever forget that story.

15 can be tough.  change is tough. being brave is tough. but i love that she wanted “courage” to hang around her as reminder that she can be brave. she can do the tough things. she can.

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You’re a brave heart my little one & i’m crazy about you! i love you big as the sky!!

~~~

You have plenty of courage, I am sure,” answered Oz. “All you need is confidence in yourself.

There is no living thing that is not afraid when it faces danger.

The true courage is in facing danger when you are afraid, and that kind of courage you have in plenty.”

― L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

March 23, 2016 - 3:04 pm

Lisa Mothersead - I love how you so sweetly share the wonderful unique qualities of each of your beautiful girls. Caroline sounds so much like my youngest (23) who has brought me so very much joy, also. Happy Birthday to sweet Caroline!

March 23, 2016 - 3:06 pm

Charles Norton - At the risk of sounding cliche, she has two completely fantastic role models in you and Dan. I can’t imagine her turning out any differently! Happy Birthday to her!!

March 23, 2016 - 3:06 pm

Charles Norton - At the risk of sounding cliche, she has two completely fantastic role models in you and Dan. I can’t imagine her turning out any differently! Happy Birthday to her!!

March 24, 2016 - 9:00 am

Donna - I know you are so proud of her. She’s lovely. Hope she had a wonderful birthday.

March 24, 2016 - 9:02 am

Donna - Love that little blue and white limo a thingy she has on. Where is that from? What is a keys necklace? I don’t blame her s but for being a make up girl!

March 27, 2016 - 5:23 am

Susan W - Belated Happy Birthday wishes for your baby girl! I’ll bet the day was fabulous and well documented with beautiful photos for her keepsake! Caroline is a precious young lady and it shows how well you and Dan do your best with her growing up! Blessings!

March 28, 2016 - 4:30 pm

Heidi Feguson - Oh, how dear this sweet post is Paige! Just now got a chance to sit down and really READ it instead of scanning. I just want to squeeze her tight and love on her and tell her she’s so special. I feel like I KNOW HER! Not that I’m agreeable like her all the time (Lord, give me MORE of that!!!) Not that this will mean much to her (am an “old” woman!) but I occassionally wore oxford shirts, sometimes with or without my dad’s tie. I was even known to wear a certain cologne of his! I was still girly but I just loved what I loved (my yellow converse high tops!!). The quote I chose for the yearbook to represent me: If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. ~Henry David Thoreau

March 30, 2016 - 9:24 am

christina - ive only been following along for a few years, but i feel like i know your family! (one day i’ll have the honor of meeting them all). but, this one … this one sure has turned into a beautiful young lady! Happy Birthday, Caroline!

April 13, 2016 - 11:05 am

Lisa - She is just stunning! What a testament! Happy Birthday to your sweet girl!

May 1, 2016 - 10:13 am

Gayle Olson - Darling girl! Now tell me where to get the cute blue and white top for my 15 year grandgirl, please.

hope heals

02

“The bride,

though now unable to walk down any aisle or clearly speak her wedding vows

or eat her beloved wedding cake,

was somehow, impossibly more radiant than she was then.

Now she glowed with the light of life restored.”

~jay wolf

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(above image borrowed from web)

i finished the soon to be released ‘hope heals’ last night. i’m fairly certain that as i laid the book in my lap i made an outloud sigh, tears streaming down my face. i read the epilogue three times and couldn’t remember the last time a book wrecked me as this one just did. i wanted to text katherine & jay and tell them how much their story touched my heart…and then just as quickly i realized i don’t have their number! haha-well of course i don’t have their number but that’s how their story reads. it’s as if you’ve been snuggled up in a comfy chair, well actually on the edge of your seat, with real life friends katherine & jay sitting across from you while they share. jay’s gentle & loyal demeanor and katherine’s wit and candor despite living through tragedy makes these saint-worthy souls just so real. 

last month i listened to katherine share at IF gathering. her story blew me away. i came home from austin & immediately pulled up her website. hours passed as i read snippets of their story & watched their documentary & then laughed and cried again as i watched her you tube videos referred to as chocolatekatchats.


this beautiful young couple, full of personality, hopes & dreams for the future, became husband & wife on november 6 in a large celebration with hundreds of friends. 8 years prior, on that same day, november 6, my life as a young couple ended in a small hospital room with a small handful of friends. i remember leaving the oncology floor and thinking to myself that my world had just stopped yet it was truly only ‘my world & my crisis’. babies would be born that day, weddings would be attended that weekend. celebrations seem to call for large gatherings don’t they, yet tragedy can feel so isolating. jay spoke to that very feeling on one of the first pages of their story. just three years into life as newlyweds, katherine was admitted to the ER at UCLA just three years later, having just suffered a massive brain stem stroke. she should have died that day.

last night in my comfy chair, as i closed the book i reflected on the power of a transparent heart & the power of sharing stories not only our own healing, but in the healing of others. transparency has long been one of my favorite character traits. jay and katherine nail the transparency issue. they knock it out of the park actually. i thought about how i was really unable to write when gregg battled cancer…or perhaps the reality of seeing our story unfold on paper was just more than i could bare. i did feel isolated in our crisis. yet i think that’s one of the things that really touched my heart with jay & katherine. they share over & over about how they’ve let others into their pain, and honestly in doing so hope has grown within that sacred place.

we will all go through suffering at some point in our lives. our loved ones will go through suffering at some point in their lives. to see a glimpse into how this beautiful young couple walked through the valley of the shadow of death has left a lasting impression on me. ever since my own family’s crisis i’ve struggled with fear and while i’ve never experienced physical crippling, the spiritual and mental crippling fear can unleash has been overwhelming at times.

“i don’t hang out at that place of fear & questioning what might happen. i think there’s something profound about hope. there’s something so meaningful when you cling to something beyond what you know & understand. and when that’s in there, deep within your head and within your heart and you believe it with every ounce of your body, something happens… hope heals, where it hurts the most, which is your soul.” you hear katherine so eloquently say this in their documentary yet in reading their story you watch as this unfolds.

i wanna hold jay & katherine’s faces & say…you two kids are gonna change the world with your love story. you are! thank you jay for showing us a picture of unconditional love in the flesh. i think each groom should read this handbook on radical love. i really do. ( that’s a little mother of the bride nod to your dad & his annoying wedding ceremony directive-wink!). katherine, i think if i’d have had your number last night, i would have called & been a weeping mess. girl, your ability to make the largest mountains seem climbable and the deepest valleys a place where god’s hand can be trusted even if seemingly unseen has left me wrecked in the sweetest sense. you said that maybe it takes life being undeniably terrible before we can truly recognize its undeniable splendor. i think that the sharing of your story of terrible has painted a beautiful canvas of undeniable splendor & those of us who’ve been blessed to witness this beauty will be changed forever. remember how you mentioned your love of a beautiful art museum & how “true beauty viscerally connects us to God and reminds us, in ways platitudes cannot, that we are beautiful to Him”? it’s funny you spoke of the transcendent beauty found in art. in my minds eye i see your story as if it were a painting of the ocean during a storm and despite the stormy seas, the art leaves me with a sense of peace. oh girl, you are effervescent beauty to Him indeed!

the book releases on april 26th but you can preorder it now, here & here.  in my humble, honest opinion, i think this story has the power to change your heart, to make you stronger if you need strength…or softer if your heart battles bitterness…maybe both. there’s a place in each of us that needs to hold fast to an anchor when storms rage around us. hope in something beyond our strength, hope in something beyond our comprehension will indeed heal.

hebrews 6.19 This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil

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(letterpress art print & much more available in the Hope Heals shop)

& local friends, jay & katherine will be in athens in april~

4.16 (Saturday) Hope Heals Book Signing!, Athens Academy, 10:00 am (Athens, GA)

4.17 (Sunday) Hope Heals Book Launch! Athens Church 9:30am and 11am (Athens, GA)

March 17, 2016 - 4:40 pm

Lydia - Wow, Paige! This is an awesome review of the book. I especially love the glimpse into your parallel experience its suffering! Thanks for heading up this launch team and being vulnerable yourself!

March 17, 2016 - 4:47 pm

Emily - Katherine & I worked together at Camp DeSoto. She and Jay are the real deal. I can’t wait to read the book (I have it pre-ordered already!) Thank you for sharing your story of November 6 – wow!

March 17, 2016 - 7:00 pm

Lisa Mothersead - Hope. What a wonderful story. It’s amazing how we can push and challenge ourselves to find the courageous strength that saves us.

March 18, 2016 - 12:19 pm

chrissi - i have followed these two for a while. their story inspires me each time i read it. their love is beyond what we often think of today. for hearts so young they have lived so much. i can’t wait to read this book and have already put it on my gift list this year. i can’t think of anyone who could read it and not be changed. thank you paige for sharing their story. the world needs to know about these two♥

March 22, 2016 - 4:34 pm

Jennifer - I will preorder just reading this review. Sounds like something my soul needs to read! 🙂
THank you for sharing.

April 5, 2016 - 9:45 am

Kitty - This is amazing! Thank you for the review. May I ask, are there spiritual overtones? I help with a Christian book club and wondered if it’d be a good read for us…we love creative non-fiction that has a good storyline…wondered if it were Christ-centered, inspirational, or what. Thank you in advance!

June 29, 2016 - 8:08 pm

Tara - They spoke at Athens Church a few weeks ago—very powerful. I’ve followed their story from the very beginning—so much love—so much faith—so much of God’s power displayed in their lives.