winter’s refresh button

34paige knudsen

we slept in saturday morning & it was glorious. the alarm usually rings at 5 am so with nothing on the to-do list & no where we had to be, the slow, chilly morning was a gift. we brewed up our latest favorite, starbucks blonde roast, being the mellow coffee drinkers we are. i slipped on my favorite luxury & downloaded jillian edwards latest release daydream.  if you’re an ellie holcomb fan, i’m betting you’ll love jillian’s enchanting voice & the peaceful vibe her music brings.

there’s something about january & february that my soul just loves. i guess both of those months feel like 59 days of perpetual rainy sunday afternoons. you know what i mean? our souls & our minds need rest just like our physical bodies and these two months feel like a long winters nap to me.

35paige knudsen

i plopped down in my seat sunday morning feeling all achey & with a sore throat almost wishing i was back under the covers but wanting corporate worship & teaching at the same time. one of my friends came up & asked what we’d been up to. i looked at her and as if it were a confessional i said “a whole lotta nothing“. i’m pretty sure i even slumped over with shame. i feel like i’ve been up to absolutely nothing. while that’s not technically true, i definitely had been up to nothing the last 2 days. my first instinct was to feel ashamed & embarrassed but she was so sweet to remind me what i really already knew but had forgotten. rest is really all good. it’s really aok. & it’s really needed.  usually the last 3-4 months of the year are non-stop so i actually love & cherish the chilly dreary winter days. spring will come again & we’ll crank the air conditioner up before it’s even easter, but for now i love the license to mentally refresh.

there’s usually some introspection during these winter days as well. & while sometimes that’s good, sometimes i feel like maybe i’m spending too much time dwelling on “my feelings” about a situation or relationship. our feelings can’t dictate how we do what we do, especially in relationships. so in times like that, i try to hand all “my feelings” back over to the lord and ask him what he wants me to learn about a situation. i ask for wisdom & discernment and he graciously adds a dollop of grace on top of all that.

i’m learning much about humility right now & hopefully i’m letting go gracefully of some things as well. as women & mothers we can easily fall in to the “need to be needed” road race. i like to think i’m pretty low maintenance as i don’t see myself as an emotionally needy person. however i’ve realized lately that i do long for things to be ok. for relationships to be right & for misunderstandings to get settled quickly and with little to no drama at all. i get all tangled up if i think someone is irritated with me. life is way to short to store up & feed thoughts of hurt feelings. trying to learn when to confront and when to let things ride, well that’s a tough call sometimes.

my friend shannan has penned her thoughts over the last year or so on small. i feel like i’m in the small right now. sometimes it’s comforting to be small & unseen, like a free pass. and sometimes it’s frustrating because being not small is often times a lot more fun. especially for an extrovert. i’m learning that humility is good and can be like a welcome friend sitting with me on the back row of life.  that being right and being heard really isn’t all that necessary. especially while i raise up a houseful of girls. probably a little late to the party as far as my parenting goes, but still. social media can give the illusion ( for all of us really) that life is full & busy & accomplished & beautiful, we all know that’s not really the whole story. the big picture has days of small & unseen. misunderstandings & feelings left unvalidated. 

“God, keep me small. Let me never taste enough success to believe I earned it. Let my life continue to confuse people. Keep me stammering, fumbling, walking in reverse.” amen shannie. amen sister.

33paige knudsen

so there’s some of what i’ve been sifting through with my refresh button known as winter. wish you hadn’t dropped by? ha!

i’m sharing this week over on jeanne’s becoming:the unfolding of you course. it’s free. ya’ll will be blessed with the stories being shared, so blessed!

speaking of humility, i am not a fan ( despite my girls giving me grief for instagram selfies) of being on the flip side of the camera at all. and i still wonder if what i wanted to share with you guys is clear & easy to understand. but anyways. we’re on week five. the page i’ve linked above is basically the landing page for the entire course. you’ll see course content over on the right side. feel free to open each week’s link. 3 stories & an art/craft from each writer is shared as well. enjoy!

February 3, 2015 - 12:44 pm

Cathy G - Love this post!!!! Rest is really, really good.. You’ve had a heck of a year!!! I’ve got to sign up for Jeanne’s coarse!!!! Just need to find time!!!!

February 3, 2015 - 3:51 pm

Sandy - This is beautiful. Living in the Midwest I hate January and February and feel like I am on a treadmill to find somewhere to run to escape. The downside is that I don’t rest, I’m always searching and planning and on vacation feeling like I need to be doing something. We are in Hawaii for 7!weeks this winter but many days I’m just craving home.

The other thing that resonates is the need to keep everyone happy. I decided after Thanksgiving 2013 that I am not responsible for anyone else’s emotions. With adult children visiting I awaysvwanted everyone to be happy and worried that they were bored. They are adults and they don’t need me to make life rosy as long as we are loving and hospitable and generous and welcoming then all other things should come as they react.

February 3, 2015 - 4:41 pm

Sue - Great post. Just listened to your story on Jeanne’s website. So blown away by your words and I love that song from Third Day. I listened to it again with new eyes. Thank you for sharing your story. You have set a great example of using your experiences for God’s glory.

February 3, 2015 - 6:30 pm

Beth Gerding - Paige,
Thank you for sharing your “Becoming” video. I signed up for the series, and am enjoying the mix of women and their stories. I especially enjoyed hearing your voice, which made me realize that you can know someone’s story through their writing, but when they sit down and the story comes alive through their voice, it can take on a much deeper meaning. Don’t feel discouraged about getting stuff “done”. I am still in my pjs at 5:30 after puttering around my house all day today. Enjoy the quiet and solace when it presents itself. We all need that refresh once in a while. Xoxo

February 4, 2015 - 9:16 pm

Michelle - I love this post so much. It is so true. Such good words to hear. I thank you for sharing your words…and thoughts. They are very much appreciated. And I LOVE January and February for this exact SAME reason. Friends don’t usually understand because they think it’s cold and dreary where as I welcome the “down time” and the coziness of it. (It also helps that I LOVE to wear winter clothes!)

February 5, 2015 - 10:57 am

Ali - I agree…I love winter for the rest and the slower pace! I believe in living seasonally. So each season I have different focus and expectations for myself. Winter means more sleep each night, overall REST, reading, being a homebody, small purging projects, making and eating homemade soups, thinking and reflecting prayerfully as I begin a new year.

I loved the bedding choices for your master bedroom ! Seems classic and I loved all the pillows! Where did you purchase your bedding? Thanks in advance!

February 5, 2015 - 1:20 pm

Amber Summerrow - It’s real and I love it that you open up your heart and soul and share it with us….keeps you real keeps us real and it’s really really good. I drink it in!!!!! Like we are having coffee in a quant coffee sharing with each other.

February 12, 2015 - 9:09 am

Shannan - I love you so dang much.
Thank you for understanding me.
I need to watch your video… I can’t wait. I’m so behind!
Maybe tomorrow is the day???!
XO