we slept in saturday morning & it was glorious. the alarm usually rings at 5 am so with nothing on the to-do list & no where we had to be, the slow, chilly morning was a gift. we brewed up our latest favorite, starbucks blonde roast, being the mellow coffee drinkers we are. i slipped on my favorite luxury & downloaded jillian edwards latest release daydream. if you’re an ellie holcomb fan, i’m betting you’ll love jillian’s enchanting voice & the peaceful vibe her music brings.
there’s something about january & february that my soul just loves. i guess both of those months feel like 59 days of perpetual rainy sunday afternoons. you know what i mean? our souls & our minds need rest just like our physical bodies and these two months feel like a long winters nap to me.
i plopped down in my seat sunday morning feeling all achey & with a sore throat almost wishing i was back under the covers but wanting corporate worship & teaching at the same time. one of my friends came up & asked what we’d been up to. i looked at her and as if it were a confessional i said “a whole lotta nothing“. i’m pretty sure i even slumped over with shame. i feel like i’ve been up to absolutely nothing. while that’s not technically true, i definitely had been up to nothing the last 2 days. my first instinct was to feel ashamed & embarrassed but she was so sweet to remind me what i really already knew but had forgotten. rest is really all good. it’s really aok. & it’s really needed. usually the last 3-4 months of the year are non-stop so i actually love & cherish the chilly dreary winter days. spring will come again & we’ll crank the air conditioner up before it’s even easter, but for now i love the license to mentally refresh.
there’s usually some introspection during these winter days as well. & while sometimes that’s good, sometimes i feel like maybe i’m spending too much time dwelling on “my feelings” about a situation or relationship. our feelings can’t dictate how we do what we do, especially in relationships. so in times like that, i try to hand all “my feelings” back over to the lord and ask him what he wants me to learn about a situation. i ask for wisdom & discernment and he graciously adds a dollop of grace on top of all that.
i’m learning much about humility right now & hopefully i’m letting go gracefully of some things as well. as women & mothers we can easily fall in to the “need to be needed” road race. i like to think i’m pretty low maintenance as i don’t see myself as an emotionally needy person. however i’ve realized lately that i do long for things to be ok. for relationships to be right & for misunderstandings to get settled quickly and with little to no drama at all. i get all tangled up if i think someone is irritated with me. life is way to short to store up & feed thoughts of hurt feelings. trying to learn when to confront and when to let things ride, well that’s a tough call sometimes.
my friend shannan has penned her thoughts over the last year or so on small. i feel like i’m in the small right now. sometimes it’s comforting to be small & unseen, like a free pass. and sometimes it’s frustrating because being not small is often times a lot more fun. especially for an extrovert. i’m learning that humility is good and can be like a welcome friend sitting with me on the back row of life. that being right and being heard really isn’t all that necessary. especially while i raise up a houseful of girls. probably a little late to the party as far as my parenting goes, but still. social media can give the illusion ( for all of us really) that life is full & busy & accomplished & beautiful, we all know that’s not really the whole story. the big picture has days of small & unseen. misunderstandings & feelings left unvalidated.
“God, keep me small. Let me never taste enough success to believe I earned it. Let my life continue to confuse people. Keep me stammering, fumbling, walking in reverse.” amen shannie. amen sister.
so there’s some of what i’ve been sifting through with my refresh button known as winter. wish you hadn’t dropped by? ha!
speaking of humility, i am not a fan ( despite my girls giving me grief for instagram selfies) of being on the flip side of the camera at all. and i still wonder if what i wanted to share with you guys is clear & easy to understand. but anyways. we’re on week five. the page i’ve linked above is basically the landing page for the entire course. you’ll see course content over on the right side. feel free to open each week’s link. 3 stories & an art/craft from each writer is shared as well. enjoy!