i can’t tell you how many times i’ve tried to sit down and share my heart over the last several weeks. i think back over the years & often times when big things are occurring, whether good or bad, filled with tenderness and vulnerability, or overflowing with joy, it’s almost mentally paralyzing to let everything land. you know what i mean? like my thoughts just sorta jump from “oh gosh remember this moment….” to “holy cow…i can’t believe this” to “…i’m speechless”….
each time i think i’ve mentally reached a cohesive paragraph i then realize i need to share some backstory or atleast details in a more sequential order which leads me right back at the elusive square one all over again.
i’ll also tell you this, i earnestly tried to be respectful of the element that much of the last several months was really savannah’s story. full of details and such that needed to stay tucked inside as we planned her wedding day. i almost felt i needed to turn down the volume here on the blog. something about sharing little snippets along the way via instagram and facebook didn’t seem as broadcast-like as blogging.
i remember telling dan last fall, right after trevor asked him for savannah’s hand in marriage, that i figured i had a big, dare i say scary, new territory ahead of me. i knew that planning savannah’s wedding & all the details was going to be so much fun. creating with my girls brings me much joy. so to spend hour upon hour dreaming and shopping for gowns & beautiful jewelry, venues & dreamy florals, deciding on music and bowties…all of it…was going to be a creative’s ultimate masterpiece. but i knew the work that would begin on my heart would be something different.
i knew early on in their engagement, heck, i knew my independent adventurer was going to “peace-out-mom” me as soon as she could! with job opportunities along the west coast, sending her away, far away, seemed like the most daunting of all parental roles i would ever play. so there was a bittersweetness sprinkled in everything we did. friends would say “san francisco is only a flight away”. and while yes that’s true, it’s a long long expensive flight away. i’ll share more in the coming weeks about how i feel the lord really spoke to me and helped my heart view this move, this big change in our lives, through a new lens.
i have much to share about how the lord did a lot actually. a lot of good these last few weeks. a lot of ways he showed up & how we saw him taking care of big things as well as small. and i will. perhaps not in sequential order, or perhaps with the backstory not as detailed as i hoped to remember but i will share. this time is such a beautiful time for moms and their daughters. i want to encourage ya’ll & i want to give him glory. so hang in there with me.
meanwhile my other girls have each had a lot on their plates as well. for the last six weeks madison has been in the interview process with an awesome company for a potential internship…in philadelphia. truth be told, i had to mentally put that possibility in a little drawer. i open up that drawer every now & then and think to myself, how on earth am i going to send two of my girls to opposite corners of america within weeks of each other. i’ve prayed over & over for us to have wisdom and be able to encourage madison. i love to cheer on my girls & i love seeing them chase their dreams. their dreams aren’t right here for the right now and that part is tough. i think about these things, pray, and then i shut the drawer. i have to. it’s a lot on my heart all at once. but those drawers don’t stay shut forever, fear not, just temporarily until i can catch my breath.
*update 9/10*~ within 24 hours of my post, madison was offered an internship with Anthropologie! she will be a buying intern in the home division at their corporate hq in philly!! any of ya’ll have a guest suite available for rent let me know! no really…
emily packed up her belongings & we moved her into the AXO house at UGA early august. she began her sophomore year and is majoring in early childhood. she keeps a mighty full schedule as she’s also a young life leader at one of the local middle schools in athens. this is such an awesome opportunity for her and again, i love seeing my girls walk in the things that bring them much joy as well as the giftings the lord has given them.
sweet caroline began her sophomore year in high school. i pray it’s an awesome year for her! it’s so funny but i suppose the baby of the family is always a “baby” in a mama’s heart because i think she’s still my sweet baby girl…but she can drive now. so there. she’s become a beautiful young woman this year. i’ve seen her do some big brave things. i’ve seen her ask the lord for courage and then walk out in that courage like a big leather jacket, wrapped around her and forming to her own shape. she’s steadfast and trustworthy ( adjectives spoken over her by savannah recently). she’s my peaceful easy. a dear friend called caroline the “hidden bombshell of the knudsen family” and i nearly fell off my chair….i think she is indeed quite the unassuming bombshell!
savannah & trevor drove off in their rented penske with all their wedding gifts and earthly belongings last week. they drove from atlanta to san fran and stopped at some amazing places along the way. she’s honestly living a dream right now, but i truly believe it’s all good gifts from the lord, blessing them with immeasurably more. and i’m doing okay. it’s only been a a couple weeks and they’re gone…and they will be for a while…but my heart is doing okay, little bits at a time is what i keep saying. i just have to turn off my natural desire to think too far ahead when i start thinking about the “we’re planning on being there five years mom” plan. one day at a time. and right now the lord is helping me with a peaceful easy feeling. he is and i know he will continue.
here are some sweet images of my baby girl that i wanted to share with you. ya’ll know i love Fashionable and the work they are doing. by creating jobs for women in areas of poverty they are committed to partnering with organizations that practice fair employment. over the years i’ve worked as an ambassador with noonday collection and this has greatly changed my world view as well as how i try to shop. the leather pieces sourced & created in ethiopia are swoon worthy. i have to admit i’m a little picky about the bags i carry and these are gorgeous, high quality and very well made. the zemen tote shown below is a soft buttery leather. the mamuye tote is a stronger, stand alone type leather. both are awesome! you will receive a $10 off code ( pop-up on the site) when you first sign up to receive emails.
thank ya’ll for being my friends. many of my readers have been here from the start, 10 1/2 years ago…little bit was 4, emily 10, madison 11 and savannah was 13. we’ve walked through much together & for you, i am eternally grateful.