i guess maybe it was this way when they were younger.
were they all so different? one was very independent. solid if you will. yet a strong heart too. one didn’t speak much. she depended on her older sissy to say what needed to be said. one always happy and carrying things with her. sippy cup, doll baby and a purse were never far away.one a pleaser. one a little bit more of a renegade.
yet they each always woke on the right side of the bed. each maternal and loving to play with ones littler than themselves.
today they cruise in & out of my studio as i work. one plops on the chair and talks about jesus. one cruises by and tells me about things at school that’s she’s so excited about. one comes in , sits on the stool closeby and chatters and chatters. one’s upstairs watching Modern Family with her computer in her lap. older sissy yells out, “i don’t think you should invest your time in Modern Family. surely you can find something a little more appropriate”. “yeah” i chime in, “like maybe Anne of Green Gables. get to know that Anne Shirley”. older sissy grumbles, “that’s not exactly what i had in mind”. one’s downstairs snuggled up on the sofa watching Toy Story. she’s old enough to drive yet clearly has chosen Toy Story. “to infinity and beyond”.
i walk from room to room. one’s at a boys’ home hanging out with him. i smile to myself. i thought i’d dread these years. well- meaning friends would say “just you wait” while smirking as i walked by with smocked dressed little ones, mary janes loosely strapped and hair bows. big hair bows. well, i didn’t have to wait. it happened over night. i now ride shot gun while they drive. i listen to stories about boys and what the Lord’s showing them about “eternal investments”. i feel a little knot well up in my throat. reminded of so many times where i know i’ve failed them. i think i was a funner mom, maybe a better mom, when they were wearing the big hair bows and smocked dresses. i think it was easier then. now they wear my boots and borrow my jewelry. and i marvel at who they’re becoming. despite myself and my failures.
we pull in from caroline’s dance recital. the drive way is full again. sigh. & i’m thankful….