working on my peaceful easy

seals & crofts “summer breeze” is currently playing on my yacht rock radio pandora station. hotel california by the eagles, just prior. i sure love music from the late 60’s ~ 70’s -classic rock, right? as a 60’s kid myself i guess it’s just in my genes.

dan & i just returned from our first visit together in san francisco, seeing our cali-kids as i affectionately refer to them! summer of love is in full swing there. (think 100k flower children. i’ll let you look it up). i can appreciate the music of that day & love a walk through haight-ashbury…especially with those cali kids!  we had four great days with savannah & trevor! eating delicious food, walking through some of the iconic areas in the city & driving pacific coast highway.

recently trevor’s folks went & spent some time with them as well. as soon as they returned to atlanta, susan called me to tell me her favorite part. i couldn’t wait to hear what she’d say!

what was her favorite thing? seeing them sitting together ( in their gorgeous light filled apartment) & being completely content with each other.

as dan & i hopped into the uber this past tuesday morning, we looked at each other…both of us misty eyed & trying to swallow the big lump in our throat. i looked back over my shoulder as the driver pulled away…and saw them….smiling & looking at each other. & i thought to myself…yes susan you’re right. seeing them completely content and at home in each others eyes ( albeit terribly far from my home) was my most favorite thing too. sigh. there’s that lump in my throat & misty eyes once again.

my to-do list today is taunting ( so i’ll make this one quick) and to be perfectly honest with you, being introspective this past year has been challenging for me. some days i feel like i guess i lost my words somewhere along the way. maybe i’m just so tender processing all the things that we’ve experienced the last couple years that i fear i’ll sound heavy…and i always want to be an encouragement. this summer has been full. good full & some really hard full. the really hard, i haven’t even shared with everyone yet and it’ll take me a little while to do that as well. but this morning, that time hop thing that Facebook does? well, this post i wrote a year ago today rolled in. i sat there & read my words from 365 days ago …as summer breeze was playing….and realized i haven’t lost them, i’ve just sorta tended to them & pondered them in my heart.

i have lots to share. and i have lots to learn. i’ve stumbled over many things the last couple years & i’ve dusted off my knees and stood back up a few times too. we’re not a perfect family, we’re far from perfect…me especially… but we’re perfectly loved by a perfect god and he loves to give gifts to his children. as i read the words i wrote last year it did my heart good to unpack these thoughts again & see the gift that is our new life…& even more so, the gift that is their new life. simple thoughts as usual but it thought i’d share them again for you ~

as i bring this to a close, i hear the beginning of that familiar guitar strum & stevie’s words being to fall…landslide. of all the songs in all my heart…this one is the hardest for me to hear. sigh. so for now i’ll close & repost this original one from last summer.

peace my friends

~~original post july 22, 2016~~~

 

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a few weeks ago i stood bedside & captured some amazing moments while a precious young mama labored & gave birth to her first baby. over & over again i thought to myself, i just did this. i just did this! it was just the other day when i brought my first baby girl into the world. i guess that’s the sign of a good life right? when looking back over all of it, even when along the way there was heartache, hand in hand there is joy overflowing & it all feels so fast. all the simple everyday moments have added up to be a grand & beautiful life beyond all i ever dreamed.

the anticipation & excitement, the wonder & overwhelming joy, the emotion of the grandeur of it all. the beginning of a new family. the beginning of a new & amazing chapter in your story. the feelings of how on earth am i going to do this? the moment when your baby is placed in your arms

& think to yourself its as if she was always here.

during the hours while i captured the birth story i found myself relating not only to the new mommy but to her own mama as well. i’d watch her own emotions as she watched her baby girl labor. i wondered what that must fee like. not only to see your daughter in the pain of labor but to know what lies ahead as she brings forth her own baby.

in 29 days i will watch my first baby girl walk into her own new & amazing chapter.

the anticipation & excitement, the wonder & overwhelming joy, the emotion of the grandeur of it all. the beginning of a new family. the beginning of a new & amazing chapter in her story. the feelings of how on earth am i going to do this? the moment when my baby girl is placed in the arms of the man she will spend forever with. the man who embodies the exceedingly more i prayed for since she was in my womb.

& i’ll think to myself it’s as if he was always here…

~~~

i’d thought i would journal & chronicle all the planning, all the little details, the highs & the lows & all the in-between. and honestly while it’s a bit ( no it’s truly my #1 pet peeve to say this)….ohmygosh we have been so busy!! can all mother’s of the bride who’ve gone before me give a resounding amen?

in all honesty, i also didn’t want to steal any of savannah’s thunder. but i’ll tell you the truth the anticipation & excitement, the wonder & overwhelming joy, the emotion of the grandeur of it all…it has a life of it’s own. it’s been a part of us since new years eve. i don’t know what i’ll do with all the mental energy i’ve used since that day when on sunday morning, august 21, my baby girl will be on a flight out of the country for her honeymoon. they’ll land back in atlanta a week later, pack up their uhaul & drive out the next morning to san francisco…to live. 3000 miles away.

i have much to share over the next several months. i do. really i’ll share about all the things i promise. but first let me answer the question I’m sure you’re thinking after i just mentioned the california gig.

i mentioned that just yesterday i gave birth to my first baby girl. well let me tell ya’ something. that precious brown haired brown eyed girl came out of the womb independent with an adventurous spirit. a nod to me & a nod to her daddy gregg. while i’ve traveled more in the last five years than i did in the previous forty years, savannah’s always had wanderlust. i knew the day would come where she’d drive away. i just didn’t know it’d be quite so far.

since i promised ya’ll i’d be honest, i’ll tell you this…at first i was like what? why would you wanna move this far away from your family…from me?! ( ha. i kid) i knew from before trevor proposed they were headed up & away. ( i’ll share more about all this later…i wanna flip ahead a bit for you).

i began praying a few weeks ago that the lord would help change my heart. & he is. i want to genuinely be happy for them…not let that happiness be overshadowed by the sadness of how far away they’ll be. ya’ll know i don’t like sad anyways. one day i felt he gave me a new song about this new chapter. let me share it with you….this move to san francisco….its a HUGE gift to them. and all good gifts are from Him. it’s a huge gift because they have honored Him in their relationship. it’s a huge gift because they sought Him first.  they’ve purposed to follow Him and i truly see this as Him giving them the desires of their heart. these kids have worked hard. studied hard. dreamed hard. and the opportunities afforded them….it’s a GIFT. and for that i am so happy for them. how could i be sad about their gift? how could i be sad in how He has chosen to bless them? don’t let me fool you, my heart really & truly has switched to seeing this as a gift but of course the hole left behind will be palpable. processing this huge change is not going to be for the faint of heart. we’ll walk through that all together.

i can’t imagine how my heart is going to work through it all. i was caught off guard with how hard it was to send her off to college. this is even bigger. and for longer. and to all the people that say ‘oh it’s just a flight away’ i wanna say seriously. it’s a flight away. a long flight away. a long expensive flight away. the funny thing? when her daddy gregg & i married, our honeymoon was a surprise to me. a trip to san francisco & the wine country. i remember thinking “i could live here”…in just a little past 29 days…so will my baby.

 

~~~

i would love to share her wedding site…the way they tell their story is precious….enjoy here!




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July 22, 2017 - 6:28 pm

Lisa Mothersead - Thinking of you, Paige. You’re in my prayers.

July 22, 2017 - 9:37 pm

Lynda - Thinking of you sweet girl and praying that God will give you HIS peace which is beyond all understanding. Knowing your firstborn is happy and content is some consolation. Love you and your sweet family.

July 22, 2017 - 10:49 pm

Tara - I love you. I love watching you mother from a distance. I’ve been watching you for eight years. Gosh, I’ve learned from you…and continue to learn. Your girls are lucky…blessed! …not because you’re perfect but bc you are so honest about your need for God in every season…and bc you so desperately want to honor Him.

July 23, 2017 - 4:22 pm

Lisa - Longtime blog follower and now IG. Your photography is amazing, thank you for sharing it with your followers! You are also such a gifted writer, I can relate to so much that you write about- my kids are 25, 21, and 17. Letting them go is so hard.

July 23, 2017 - 5:45 pm

Renée Womack - I was so excited to see a new blog post from you! I have followed your blog for many years. It has been such a joy watching your precious girls grow into such amazing women and your beautiful relationship with Jesus ignited a spark in me to know Him better. What an incredible blessing! I live in Northern California, less than 2 hours from San Fransisco and I want you to know that if Savanah and Trevor ever need anything, I would be more than happy to help in any way possible. I have two incredible sons, aged 21 & 25. Becoming an empty nester was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face. I completely understand your tender mama’s heart. Bless you, Paige, and thank you so much for sharing your life with us

August 1, 2017 - 11:51 am

Susan - Paige- thank you for sharing, your words and thoughts are so meaningful! Prayers for your sweet family as always!

August 3, 2017 - 7:20 pm

C. Rothbard - So glad to hear your words again. I, too, restarted my blog, after three years. Take it slow….enjoy your family, and share when it feels right. Glad you enjoyed California, and San Francisco. That is where my son landed, married and remains (Oakland). It is hard to see them go, but my goal was to teach them to fly, and now they are!!! Peace be with you.