i popped the new chris tomlin cd into the player & listened to the lyrics as i drove to an appointment. i’ve mentioned this before but i have some of my best “quiet time” devotional talk-to-god moments while I’m in the car. it’s not like while i’m home i still have littles asking me to “hold you” or diapers needing to be changed every hour, but something about my car time, alone, that seems to usher me into reflection and time with jesus. and can i just say hallelujah that now with the whole bluetooth or bluefish or blue light movement ( whatever its’ called, clearly i don’t have one) it gives me license to continue talking to jesus out loud while sitting at a red-light and the car beside me can safely assume I’m on the phone. its a win win.
dan & i have commented how if his parents were still alive they’d get a chuckle out of the people we’ve become. dan’s mama used to write everything on post-it notes. especially beside her phone. it was so cute to head over there & glance by her phone. you’d see the notes she took while on calls with her kids…what the grandkids were up to…recipe thoughts…prayer requests. dan & i would find it fascinating how many doctors appointments they’d have in a given week. they’d sit in the family room together, her knitting or mending something while he read (& perhaps nodded off a time or two) but always together. well. dan & i have become them. beside me are 6 little posit notes ( of course, mine are the cute watercolor ones from anthro, not the generic yellow) each marking a prayer request, my thanksgiving menu and of course, a to-do list. dan was reading last night while i played on my phone ( i don’t sew. or mend. or sew missing buttons on clothing). and we have spent the last couple months at many a doctors appointment.
as i pulled into my next destination ( target of course) the words of The Table began to play. i was so moved by these words & tears began to spill. listen to this ~
Come all you weary; come and find
His yoke is easy; His burden light
He is able; He will restore
At the table of the Lord
There is peace at the table of the Lord
I won’t worry anymore
At His table
There is healing at the table of the Lord
I won’t suffer anymore
At His table
I know He has a place for me
Oh, what joy will fill my heart
With the saints around the mercy seat of God
just minutes before, i had left my post-op appointment with my gynecologist. he gave me the “your biopsies were all clear, see you in a year”. he had been so thoughtful that day about five weeks ago when we sat before him talking about my issue. after hearing what we had just gone through with dan’s ( albeit stage 1, no chemo necessary) health issue, he had explained how stress had very easily been the catalyst for my own issue requiring surgery. but today, all was good. we have both healed up just fine & while things seems back to normal, our normal is blanketed with a thanksgiving that comes in the knowing. both he & the receptionist both made reference to something along the lines of , i bet you’re looking forward to 2015. or surely your next year is going to be better.
but ya’ll. i have to tell you. despite surgeries and cancer diagnoses. days filled with anxiety and days where i stayed under the covers. 2014 showed god’s goodness and faithfulness to my family in big ways! would i have chosen to have another hubby have an oncologist? of course not. do i want days where i’m immobilized because my fear of health issues & the unknown. no thank you. but would i take it all because, as those words above say…HE IS ABLE. HE WILL RESTORE. his yoke IS easy. and light. there’s healing and peace. and the knowing that we were never out of his hand. never out of his sight. and yes, there is a place for each of us at HIS table…with the saints around the mercy seat of god.
so i listened to that song over & over. i could barely get the thank you for the cancer. thank you for the anxiety. thank you for the friendships that bore our burdens. thank you for my brother & sister in law who stepped in the gap and loved us SO well. thank you for praying friends. thank you for doctors and living in a country where we have medical care. thank you for YOU jesus. thank you…i could barely get any of that out without being overwhelmed by the love of god. being overwhelmed that while i deserve none of this goodness, HE has provided and blessed us beyond measure.
so while i bet they were both being sorta funny about the whole i hope your next year is better philosophy, i never want to miss an opportunity to see god’s goodness ALL over the hard days. ALL over the tears and sadness. ALL over the fear. god’s goodness at his table.
a little view of life over the last few weeks…
( this isn’t the legit video, but for now, i wanted ya’ll to enjoy the song as well)